Dog Advice & Discussion :: Dog Chat

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 10:15 pm    Post subject: Boyfriend to Husband Upgrade   

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Question

Dear Tech Support:

Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed Jane

Answer

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time "favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flo wers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities an really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Sincerely,

Tech Support
 

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 10:44 pm    Post subject: Can I have a push? lol**   

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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, says, "please can you give me a push?"

"Not a chance" says the husband. "It's 3 o'clock in the morning".

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?"asks his wife.

"Just some drunken guy asking for a push", he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring down out there."

"Well, you have a short memory" says the wife "Can't you remember about 3 months ago, when we broke down, and those 2 guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself."

The man does as he is told. He gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark.. "Hello. Are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes please" comes a reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing", replies the drunk.
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WHY MEN'S LETTERS TO AGONY AUNTS NEVER GET ANSWERED


Dear Abby (columnist),
 
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
 
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
 
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
 
I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
 
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my 2006 Yamaha R1 motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Yamaha R1, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seem to be leaking a little oil.
 
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
 
Thanks,
Stephen 
 
   

 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Btw Sally..My little girl just sat at the doorstep, door wide open White gsd walking past, and she didnt even attempt to go after him, because I had told her stay! Just came back inside when I had put the bin out, and went and stole my toast!
such a proud mummy!

What a clever doggie. I hope you had put plenty of butter on it for her. ;-)

erm, no...Golden syrup!