Hi Maggie. It's always lovely to "meet" dog owners who are willing to look for answers to problems rather than just blaming the dog for being "bad" and sending it off to the rehoming centre

You've got it half right in that you're ignoring her but you shouldn't send her to bed.

Everytime she displays this kind of behaviour she should be completely ignored by both you and your boyfriend. Don't look at her, touch her, speak to her or acknowledge her in any way. When she stops, wait until she's been calm for a minute or so and then reward her. That way she'll learn that her current behaviour towards your b/f doesn't bring results whereas staying calm around him does. Eventually you can let him offer rewards too.

It seems to me that she has issues with men - could she have had a male owner who was nasty to her? I once had a rescued Patterdale who tried to jump out of the window when a man with a beard first came into the house. We didn't know it was the beard then but we eventually we made the connection and were able to deal with it with the help of a few bearded friends.

It's also very important you establish solid leadership in other areas too so that she trusts you to make decisions; if you're not afraid, then she has no reason to be either. Think about your body language (and your b/f's) as they could also be sending her signals that say she has a reason to be afraid because your attitude will be picked up, that's something you can bank on! In every situation you need to show her that you're able to make the decisions (make her sit and wait for her food - walk confidently through doors ahead of her - start and stop play when it suits you etc) and once she trusts you in that role, there shouldn't be too many more problems.
 
Just keep in mind that you need to reward the desired behaviour and ignore the undesirable (unless he's in the middle of chewing up your £300 Jimmy Choos, of course )

Good luck.

Sharon J